{open} SONGS FOR YOU, TRUTHS FOR ME

[mysteryfaith]

Darkwing's eyes were half-shut against the pounding rain, blinking furiously as it dripped on to his eyelashes. His pale green eyes flashed with irritation; although he had promised himself that he would climb up here today, and spent all day here to reflect, he hadn't taken into consideration the pounding rain. Sat at the entrance to a cold cave on a grey, rainy morning was not what the elder had expected.

However, it was important to him to do so; he had been so busy recently that he hadn't spent any time to simply sit down and think about recent events, as he normally did once every moon or so. It had been his quaint tradition ever since he was an apprentice; to think about everything that had happened. He had already spent an hour or so on the edge of the cave, trying to concentrate, but not a single memory had come to him - he could blame it on old age, but it was most likely the stupid rain distracting him.

"We can't be having this," he grumbled to himself finally, shaking the raindrops from his nose. He did like the view of the territory that came from the cave entrance - and, as he'd learned from previous visits, it was normally a very productive place to sit and reflect - but today, with the rain dampening his pelt, he just couldn't think.

It was odd for him to be up here, in one of his favourite spots, and yet still be unable to think properly. In the camp, it was almost impossible; apprentices were coming into the den every few minutes, looking grumpy and asking if he needed any bedding changed. He could tell that they had been asked by their mentors to do so, and he appreciated the offer, but in reality, he just wanted a little time to sit in the elders' den and think. Peace and quiet was hard to find in the camp, especially in Greenleaf - the days were usually fine, meaning cats would be coming in constantly with pieces of prey or herbs for the medicine cat.

Picking himself up, Darkwing wandered to the back of the shallow cave. His view had decreased considerably - now all he could see was the miserable grey sky, still spitting drops of rain and not looking as if it was going to stop any time soon. It was a little bit quieter back here, and so he told himself that now, he really had to concentrate - what had happened this moon?

It didn't take him long to work out a list of all the Clan dramas that had occurred - relationships falling apart, kits getting lost, borders being crossed, prey being stolen - but none of it was new. Quite frankly, it bored Darkwing; when he had been a young warrior, it had excited him to no end to recall everything that had happened in the moon with his friends, gossiping like overexcited rabbits.

. . . Ah. Perhaps that was his problem - friends. It wasn't that Darkwing couldn't make friends; it was quite the opposite. He was a charming, friendly tom, with a witty sense of humour and a good heart - when said aloud, he should be the perfect friend. It was more that Darkwing had got used to the lonely life of a cat in solitude; the drama of his youth had meant he had spent quite a lot of his time alone, and in that time, he had grown to accept that friends were of no use to him. They only led him into trouble, and if he grew to love them, someday he would have to face the terrible pain of losing them.

Now, things had changed. Darkwing was used to being alone, so had forgotten bits and pieces about making friends - how two cats should be introduced, how to form the friendship, how not to break it. These were skills learned as a kit and used throughout life, although Darkwing hadn't used them in so long, they'd got a little rusty in his mind. He had thought, in his youth, that he wanted solitude forever - but now, it was different. On his own, he had been wasting his time; all he wanted now was someone to share his story with. Someone who would understand.

"If I had the chance, I'd go back and make more friends," he sighed to himself, all hopes of reflecting now gone. He would spent the rest of the day mourning the lack of cats he could trust in his life - no cat hated him, but there wasn't a single cat who came into the elders' den these days that would be happy to sit and talk with him. "There must be a cat somewhere that wouldn't mind an old elder like me? I'm no fine hunter - and I haven't got anything special to my name - but . . . oh, to have a friend! I would treat them with more kindness and respect than I have ever treated anyone in my life. To have a cat walk over that ridge right now, and sit here with me in this cave . . ." Darkwing trailed off. Things like that didn't happen in real life - in old kits' tales, perhaps, but not in real life. Perfect friends don't just appear out of nowhere; he doubted anyone would come up here at all today.

935.

[VineStar12]

Tigerflight
Eastclan Deputy

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The broad-shouldered deputy grooms himself in the safety of his den, his pink tongue swiping smoothly across his short, tabby fur. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a bit of movement in the elders' den and he lifts up his head, pale green eyes looking into the shadows. Darkwing must be up, he thinks, getting up. Tigerflight stretches out his stiff legs, he'd been sleeping for a while.

The tom walks out of his den into the ran, and quickly sprint to the elders' den, his tabby pelt dripping wet. He taps his paw on the ground to announce his arrival and strides in, a warm smile spreading across his face. His pale green eyes drifted over to Darkwing, the only elder in Eastclan. "Good morning, Darkwing. How are you?" Tigerflight purrs, giving the tom a nod. He knew it could get a bit lonely so he decided to visit with the retired warrior for the morning, since patrols would be useless in this rain.

(Sorry, not enough muse to get much words.)

[mysteryfaith]

Darkwing sensed the approach of another cat - a youthful warrior coming to pity the StarClan-bound elders, he sighed to himself inwardly. He had no problem with the young warriors of EastClan - in fact, he quite liked the cats who inhabited this territory, all being perfectly charming towards him - but he mourned the loss of his youth like the loss of an old friend. It hurt him daily to see the youths sprinting around EastClan, dragging in prey and tumbling around without a care in the world. It seemed that every carefree cat in the Clan had passed on their worries to him; he carried the world on his shoulders, whilst they floated trouble-free.

The elder recognised the Clan deputy, Tigerflight - so this youth was a little more than a normal warrior. He recalled the dreams of his younger days; he had been convinced that he would grow to be the greatest warrior that ever lived, with cats dropping at his paws to worship his immense skills. It never quite worked out like that, though - it was a rather subdued worship that was given to him, coming in the form of respect. He worked hard as a warrior, but never gave more than standard - Tigerflight probably gave his all to the Clan. That was why Darkwing was an unaccomplished and rather undervalued elder, and Tigerflight was the strong Clan deputy.

The deputy's greeting was pleasant enough - it was always good to have company. Few cats gave their presence to an elder, and even fewer actually thought about what it meant to sit with an old cat and hear their tales. It meant happiness. It meant not being lonely, if just for an hour or two. It meant feeling like part of the community, rather than just a broken-down old stranger on the outskirts.

"Good morning," the tom responded, trying to sound jolly despite his rainy mood. He knew that he spent too long contemplating conversations, and that he should instead focus on actually being polite, and being a cat that others wanted to speak to. He would never be that, though - being an elder meant certified loneliness and a large dose of ostracised indignation.

He flashed a smile at Tigerflight - he didn't feel like smiling, but it was the best he could do. The grumpier he looked, the fewer cats came to visit him; though most of the cats in the Clan were quite vile to him, he appreciated even a scathing insult, so long as someone simply talked to him. For those cats to just walk by without a word or a glance made him increasingly aware that he wasn't a part of the Clan community any longer; he felt dead. His aching body and sore eyes made him feel lifeless - some days it was a struggle just to move and a chore to open his eyes and see - and the way he was ignored, he was just as good as an invisible spirit.

"Having a good day, I hope?" Saying that felt like lying; in reality, he didn't want Tigerflight to have a good day. He had youth; he had it clasped in his paws, pinned down without a hope of escape. He had happiness, he had agility, he had life - and what did Darkwing have? A one-cat den with only his own mind for company. He wanted to swap places with Tigerflight - it was selfish and cruel, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want this. Nobody wanted this.

612.[/size]

[VineStar12]

Tigerflight
Eastclan Deputy

[/size][/center]
"I slept in, so not much has really happened for my day to be good or bad." he chuckles, green eyes bright with happiness. It was a great honor to be Eastclan's deputy, it's what he worked for his entire life! "Did the rain disturb your sleep? it can be quite pesky if you're too close to the den's entrance.' Tigerflight asks, a few drops of water dorpping to the ground as he flicked his tail. The tabby tom didn't mind the rain so much, it gave him a free bath and all he needed to do was walk through it. Although, he'd have to groom himself later so his fur didn't look all tangled, and the icy coldness of the water was chilling.

"Darkwing, do you mind if I ask you something?" the Eastclan deputy meows, sitting down with his tail curled around his paws. His thoughts drifted to the day he had met Riversong, a former Eastclan she-cat, in the Creeping Woods. He had feelings for the rogue but knew it was against the warrior code, he couldn't be loyal to his clan and be with her at the same time. She didn't even believe in Starclan anymore! But, Tigerflight found himself arguing with his loyal side day and night whenever he was alone, trying to find ways to be with the former warrior. One part of him loved the idea, but the other tried to talk him out of it, and he felt like he was being torn in two! He had always done what was best for his clan, he tried to be the best he could be, he was very loyal to his clan, the warrior code, and Starclan. He never thought about what he wanted, until that fateful day. He felt like he should go see Ripplestar and ask him about it, but then that'd be breaking his promise to Riversong, which was he wouldn't reveal where she was now, or if she was even alive. Maybe the clan's only elder, Darkwing, could help him. Elders had more wisdom than that of the younger cats, maybe the tom had even experienced it himself!

(359, yay!)

[mysteryfaith]

Darkwing smiled - or attempted a smile - at the young tom's concern. The rain didn't bother him too much; his pelt was uncomfortably damp for a morning lying in his nest, which caused a slight disruption to his day, but he quite enjoyed its crisp, earthy smell. Rain was constant - no matter what happened to him, to the Clans, to the forest . . . rain would always be around the corner, waiting. That was a thought that eased his pain a little; as long as he or Tigerflight lived, there would be rain, no doubt about it.

"The rain doesn't bother me too much," he muttered to the deputy, shaking his fur a little to see if any of the raindrops would fly off, making him a little drier - his plan failed, as the stubborn little droplets of water clung on to his fur like burrs. "Perhaps it would bother me more if I had to go out and hunt today, or patrol for my Clan; alas, being an elder, I was relieved of those burdens many a moon ago. It really is a blessing to be allowed to sit here all day, doing nothing."

There was more than a hint of sarcasm in his dry voice; he hated this life of idle repetition, spending every day waiting for something exciting to happen. It never would, of course - in battles, the elders were either heavily guarded during the entire fight, or simply led away from the scene of the action to a safer place. His bones were creaky now, and his muscles weren't what they used to be, but he fancied he could handle a fair fight with a cocky WestClan warrior. What could be more exciting than a good battle?

Darkwing's flow of grumpy thoughts tapered off when he saw Tigerflight's expression, and heard his words. The Clan deputy - the cat who was second-in-command when it came to organising everything about EastClan - was asking him for help? Him? The quiet elder who barely ever talked about what he was truly feeling, who barely ever tried to dump his meaningless wisdom on to the youths of today? He almost couldn't believe it, and was close to asking the tom to repeat himself - but instead, he straightened himself up, and tried to make himself look as wise as possible.

He wasn't sure why he did it - perhaps to give himself a slight ego boost. Someone had wanted his advice - maybe he wasn't just another old Clan has-been! Maybe cats actually valued him; maybe this was the start of a new era of advice-seeking cats tumbling into his lonely den, pouring out their troubles to him in the hope of his valued opinion. Had he been underestimating himself this whole time, thinking nobody even noticed him?

No. He tried to expel the thoughts from his mind; this was just a one-off occurrence, he convinced himself with a small, concealed sigh. He was still the old, ignored elder that he had been at dawn - just because one cat had asked for his advice didn't mean the whole Clan would now desire it. He had to take this sensibly, like a cat of his age; sometimes, he acted like a frivolous young kit, prancing about the Clan without a care in the world. It was quite inappropriate for a cat of his many moons to do such a thing; if he wanted the Clan's respect, he would surely have to start showing he deserved it.

Clearing his throat, and trying to look as knowledgeable as possible, he turned to Tigerflight and put on a trustworthy smile. "You may ask me anything," he purred - he was tempted to add 'my child' on to the end of his statement, just for effect. Act sensibly, Darkwing, he reminded himself sternly. Don't mess up your first opportunity to prove your wisdom to someone - the Clan deputy, of all cats!

691.[/size]

[VineStar12]

Tigerflight
Eastclan Deputy

[/size][/center]
The tom stifled a chuckle as he saw the elder straighten up after he asked for a little bit of help. He knew that Darkwing wasn't really spoken to by the other Eastclan cats, usually just because they believe all elders are grumpy and bad-tempered. Tigerflight took some time to think out what he was to say, very carefully. He didn't really want to reveal his whole secret liking for the rogue she-cat known as Riversong, he would only reveal that he had a liking for a particular she-cat.

"You've been able to watch my progress since the day I born into this clan, and all I've ever done was do my best, to protect, help, and feed the clan, correct? Never caring about what the consequences were for me. I've always been selfless and striving to be the best I could be, protecting my clanmates at the same time. I trained long and hard, giving it my all and admitting when I've made a mistake. This whole time, I've never thought about what I wanted. I've never even thought about what it'd be like to start a family, I've never thought about the she-cats before. Would it be disloyal to go for what I wanted every once in a while?" the tabby marked deputy asked, making look as if he were interested in a she-cat, but clueless as to if it would be disloyal to start a family within the clan. His words were slow and careful, disguised in a tone that would make sure the elder would hear, although it was just to make sure Tigerflight didn't say the wrong thing. He tried his best - thinking it sounded pretty real - to make it sound as if he were interested in an Eastclan she-cat. His pale green eyes hid the real truth behind the words, the one cat he was actually interested in, and made it look as if he were a bit confused, in need of some advice and wisdom.

(334 words! If you didn't know yet, I sometimes am too lazy to get 200+ word posts. lol)

[mysteryfaith]

Darkwing noticed that Tigerflight seemed to speak slowly, meaningfully - he lay out his problem to the elder quite clearly. Well, whether it was a problem or a question, he couldn't tell; whatever it was, it looked as if the young deputy was being too harsh on himself. He tried to harbour few regrets, knowing that they would only bring him sorrow in his old age, but couldn't help but retain one from his past: not having a true family, or properly settling down.

He had kits, but they never noticed him; his mate had left him long ago, after their scandal of a relationship was revealed to the Clan - she was his best friend's mate, and they had got together despite the treachery of it all. His heart ached just thinking about it - of all the opportunities wasted, of everything he had refused to say. He regretted not spending much time with his kits - virtually shunning them as his relationship with her fell apart, thinking himself unfit to be a father - and he regretted not working hard enough to keep her, his one true love, by his side.

Darkwing dragged himself out of his pool of sorrow, and focused his clear gaze on Tigerflight. There was something behind the young deputy's eyes . . . something that revealed the situation was a little more troubling than he was letting on. The elder ignored it; in time, when Tigerflight hopefully grew to trust him, he would reveal the worries he was keeping to himself at the moment. He wouldn't pry where he wasn't wanted.

"You have worked hard," Darkwing agreed, surveying the tom; he could tell simply from the way the deputy held himself up that he had worked hard. To Darkwing, Tigerflight was a muscular tabby who had proved himself time and time again to be a good, loyal deputy to EastClan. He showed a lot of promise - promise that he could be a great Clan leader - and all that he was saying was true; he was quite selfless in his actions, and always put EastClan first.

After listening to Tigerflight's whole speech, Darkwing sat in silence for a few moments, chewing over the situation. It seemed that Tigerflight had been repeating that he had never done anything for himself - that he was a selfless cat who only ever had it in him to contribute to the Clan. Like he was so loyal, he deserved some "time off".

At first, it appeared to be slightly arrogant - why would the deputy keep repeating that he was loyal and selfless? Surely he should wait for others to call him that before he stated it about himself. However, Darkwing sensed there was something more to it than simply a large ego - it seemed rather out of place for a cat who was normally so humble to suddenly start to boast.

Unless he's trying to justify his actions, the elder realised with a start. He sensed that perhaps the deputy was trying to convince himself that he was loyal, that he had never done anything wrong to his Clan before, that he deserved some time away from that loyalty. To Darkwing, Tigerflight was trying to convince himself that after seasons of loyalty, he could break the rules just once or twice. Maybe he was completely missing the point - maybe he was wrong - but he had a sneaking suspicion that maybe, just maybe, he was right.

"Listen, Tigerflight," Darkwing sighed, getting up from his nest and stretching his aching legs. The rain that had gathered on his pelt was beginning to sink in, making his skin disgustingly damp and his fur, heavy with rain water, cling to it like sticky moss. "I see what you're doing here."

The elder wondered how he should put this - delicately, of course, but still telling Tigerflight that he could sense something was wrong. "Of course you deserve happiness - you have been extremely loyal to the Clan, after all. But most cats are loyal and have families, wouldn't you say?" His eyes glittered; he hated to be satisfied with himself, and didn't want his smugness to show in any way to the deputy, but he felt he'd got Tigerflight's situation spot on. "You asked if it would be disloyal to go for what you wanted. For most toms like you, what they want is a she-cat - and if that she-cat were in their Clan, then of course, no boundaries of loyalty would be broken. For you to ask such a question suggests to me that maybe, to get the she-cat you're after, you would have to break those boundaries."

Darkwing realised that he must sound rather intimidating to the poor deputy - he had no right to stand on the moral high ground, since his love had also been disloyal. "You should take any love you can get," he added hastily, "whether it's loyal or not. Treasure love, because in a lot of cases, it's not there forever." He couldn't help but flash back to the day when his love had left him; the spark of their relationship had gone, leaving only black ash and lost dreams. "Loyalty should not come between love . . . just don't tell the Clan leader I said so, all right?"

929.


(OOC: Haha, no worries! Sorry if I overstepped a bit - by having Darkwing figure out that Tigerflight's romance wasn't strictly limited to EastClan, instead of keeping it Tigerflight's secret. xP)

[VineStar12]

Tigerflight
Eastclan Deputy

[/size][/center]
The tom nods at the elder's words. he did figure out, after all, although not who it was. Tigerflight managed a warm smile. "Thanks, Darkwing. And I won't tell Ripplestar anything of this conversation, as long as you don't either." he meows, his pale green eyes struggling to conceal the sudden burst of joy he had. He leans down and swipes his pink tongue over one of his white paws, cleaning off some debris he had stepped in on his way here. The deputy then sat back and looked at Darkwing, wondering what the old tom had experienced so far in his lifetime.

"When you were made a warrior, how did you feel?" Tigerflight suddenly asks, his pale green eyes fixed on Darkwing's figure. He was curious about the tom's past, and then he could tell what kind of cat. What did he ever regret doing? Did he ever break the rules sometimes? Was he an over-acheiver, under-acheiver, or just the kind who did what they were told to do, but not as best as they could've? The tabby tom still heard the rain sloshing down from the sky, and he wondered how his clanmates were doing. How Riversong was doing.

[mysteryfaith]

Darkwing was slightly taken aback by the question; rather random, compared to the deputy's last. However, he was happy to answer it - happy to have any company at all, really.

He cast his mind back to that time in his life, when things were more complicated than ever and yet so painfully simple . . . too many seasons to count had passed between then and now, separating him from youth and making him feel infinitely older. He remembered the leader - someone whose name he couldn't remember now, and who had long since moved on to StarClan - and the cats who had shared his ceremony.

Shooting a warm smile at Tigerflight - and glad to have been asked such a question, which pulled him quite willingly back to happier times and fond memories - he began his tale. "To be honest, I wasn't thinking much about getting my warrior name," he began, thinking back to a time when he sat alone in the apprentices' den all day, brooding from dawn to dusk over dilemmas that came before even his warrior ceremony, something all apprentices looked forward to. "It was pretty clear from my first two moons of training what my warrior name would be - I used to have a knack of catching blackbirds. With each one I caught, the other apprentices would tell me that for my warrior name, I would have to be called Darkwing, because of the dark wing of a blackbird." The elder shrugged nonchalantly - he didn't care too much for warrior names. He never did appreciate tradition. "The leader must have overheard them calling me that one day, and given me that name. An obvious and rather unoriginal choice, I must say."

The other apprentices had always been kind to him - admired him, in fact, for his hunting skills and well-mannered pessimism. "I didn't care too much - I still don't now. I had my eye on another cat - Larkpaw." Even saying her name sounded like a sweet melody to his ears; after all these seasons, he hadn't stopped thinking about her. Even with those thoughts flooding his mind every waking second, it had been so long since he'd said her name out loud. "The only problem was, she was my best friend's mate."

Darkwing hastily corrected himself. "Well, not mate - we were apprentices, so that was frowned upon. But it was pretty clear who my best friend wanted, and it was Larkpaw. Every time I saw them together, curled up in the same nest or whispering to each other in the ferns, I would cast a longing glance at Larkpaw - and soon, those longing glances were returned." Telling his tale to Tigerflight, he wasn't sure whether to be proud or ashamed of the fact he had stolen the heart of his best friend's beloved. "I got my warrior name at the same time as Larkpaw and my best friend - so rather than focusing on my new name or my vigil, I was thinking about her."

He had never told this story to anyone before - kept it locked up in his crooked old heart, allowing only himself to pity his sorrowful circumstances. "I felt nothing but love for Larkpaw, and luckily, she felt nothing but love for me; she told me that she didn't love my best friend any more, and when I saw them together, I knew it was true - her eyes were dead when they were upon him, and alight with joy when they were upon me. She kept up the facade for him, to keep him happy, but her heart wasn't in it."

Now came to the sad part of the story; the part he had hated reliving in his mind, let alone telling it to another cat. "Of course, it couldn't last; before four seasons of being warriors, Larkpaw - then Larktail - fell pregnant with my kits. My best friend knew that they weren't his, and after the kits were born, killed Larktail in revenge, before running away himself. He was found dead out in the forest - and that's how I learned that a cat can die of a broken heart."

The elder shook his head, recalling everything that had happened to him in his early warrior days; although he still had his kits to live for, he was convinced that if they knew his true story - of how he and their mother had hidden the truth from his best friend, which seemed perfect at the time but was now cruel and uncaring - they would hate him. "I didn't want the kits to hate me for what I did," he admitted to Tigerflight, bowing his head. "I thought it would be better if they didn't know me at all. So before they had any recollection of me or Larktail, I gave them away to another nurse and her mate - to the kits, those two cats are their parents. It doesn't bother me too much." Oh, he was an experienced liar.

882.